Being a parent without your parents – it is really hard. It is not easy at all – Who do you ask the questions to? Who is there to continuously teach you? Who is there to listen to stories about your kids silly little accomplishments? Luckily, for both of us – we have had great people who have stepped up to the plate to help us out. My Aunt is truly an exceptional woman. She has done so much for me and for my kids and for my life – not just since my mom passed away – but before that as well. She is always willing to listen to my problems, my silly stories, and answer any ridiculous questions that I have. I truly can’t thank her enough for absolutely everything that she has and continues to do for me. If you’re reading this – I love you. Like I have said in the past, my husband has an amazing family – they are always there for us and have helped us whenever we have needed it. They love us and they love our girls – which is really all you can ask for at the end of the day.
It’s really hard to tell your children about people who were a huge part of your life, of who you became – but will not be a part of their life.
Between my husband and I we have one parent. I don’t have any grandparents and he has one set, (his Dad’s parents). Therefore our daughters have one grandparent and two great grand parents. It’s hard in general to lose a parent or grandparent but if you lost them before you had kids – you coped as best you could. I lost my mother when I was 16 and my husband lost his mom when he was 23. I never had a father growing up but his dad is still around (and actually lives across the street from us)!
My eldest of course asks questions all the time. We always talk to her about her grandparents and try to make sure she knows how great they were and the reason they aren’t here. It’s pretty hard to explain to a five-year old whats going on – why these amazing people we love are no longer here and why she won’t ever get to meet them.
I always knew I missed my mother after she passed but it wasn’t until I had kids, met the love of my life, got married; those were the days she was missed the most. The moments she isn’t here for – the look on her face with pride over her grandchildren. My husband and I don’t bring it up often, but when these big moments come around; when our kids do something amazing – it hits you that much harder.
My husband and I aren’t very emotional people. It’s sad they aren’t here but they are watching over our beautiful little girls. Sometimes you think of picking up the phone to call them, you need to ask them a question, or you want to tell them a story – and even though it has almost been 10 years for both our moms, that never changes. Our mothers died in the same year (2005) and so on the upcoming 10 year anniversaries of their passing we will be celebrating instead of mourning. We are going to do something special with our kids for each of them – remind ourselves that though they aren’t here – they still mean as much to us as when they were – we have no idea what this will be, but it will mean a lot to both of us. Sometimes it sucks, well most times it sucks – let’s be honest. I know my daughter gets sad and confused sometimes when Grandparents/Grandmothers day at school comes along (which she has boycotted already) or when she sees her cousins and friends with their grandmothers – but she knows about them, she is named after them, and she has an amazing fire about her that I know is from them.
We don’t like to bring it up a lot as it never gets easier but we are 100% assured that our mothers have become the best guardian angels our children will ever have. We remind ourselves that these little girls are the best gifts in the world – and we know that our mothers would be very proud of that. ‘