My first daughter we had to find out.  I just had to know what our baby was going to be.  I was the typical mom who wanted to decorate, have a baby shower flooded in pink, and I was really excited.  It took us forever to decide on a name.  We finally came to Hailie.  It was the only name that we agreed on after weeks of vetoing each other.  (If you watch Friends you will get a chuckle out of the episode that comes to mind).

When I found out I was pregnant the second time, I tried to convince my husband not to find out – because quite honestly I really didn’t need to know, but my husband said we HAD to find out — because he needed to prepare himself if he was going to have two little girls.  Long story short, we found out.  BUT there is NO way he would be prepared for these two little girls.

From the minute Aubree was born, I couldn’t have imagined my life without her.  Within seconds I couldn’t even remember what our life was like as a family of three.  The second she was born, we became a family of four and everything felt so right, I felt so complete and I couldn’t believe I had lived as just the three of us before that.  My oldest was less than thrilled about her little sister at first, and though she torments her to this day and sometimes acts like she is invisible, they truly do love each other and the bond they have is one they will have forever.  Aubree thinks that Hailie is either the most annoying big sister on the planet or the funniest human being she has ever met.  The whole belly laughs that come when they are together can truly make your heart melt.

Mother’s day for me is very bittersweet.  Having lost my mom, it’s definitely hard to watch the rest of the social media world share pictures and memories with theirs, when I can barely find a picture of us together.  If you know me you know how much I hate feelings so this really isn’t a topic I love.  However, in passing or questions about my past, my mother, her death – I can answer and talk about without even a tear in my eye (weird I know).  My mother-in-law also passed before I even was able to meet her let alone my children but I have heard amazing stories about her and I know my kids have an amazing presence about them because of their two guardian angels.  In the meantime, the millions of people who have stepped up to the plate and answer my questions, make it that much easier.

The truth is though, mothers day makes us miss our mothers – but when I look down at those two little girls; their smiles, their personalities, their silliness — I realize how truly blessed that I am.  I can’t imagine not being a mom to my little girls and I cannot imagine my life without them.  I can say to myself that we made these kids, we are raising them to be the best they can be, and even though the sleepless nights and the sassy attitude continues to make me crazy – I would have it any other way.  I wouldn’t want to be anyone else’s mother and I wouldn’t trade the moments I have with my two little girls for anything in the world.  They are by far the best blessings I have ever received and I am forever grateful for them.

I can’t imagine how dull my life would be without my two little girls.IMG_8903