My journey with motherhood started 7 years ago. I was living in an apartment with my fabulous roommates in New York and doing everything but going to class.
It all started as a joke on a Sunday night. I was hanging out with my roommates and my cousin and I think one of my roommates boyfriends who I was meeting for the first time. We were crowded in the living room making jokes when I made some comment and somehow this turned into a comical trip to the 24 CVS nearby to buy a pregnancy test, something at the time I couldn’t even afford myself.
Well soon after we got back, as we are all laughing at how funny this whole situation was, it turned very serious as that second pink line showed up on all three pregnancy tests I took almost instantly.
The room was silent as we all awkwardly sat there and I continued to stare at the stick hoping that second line was going to disappear. How was I going to be a mom? How could I possibly be responsible for someone else when I couldn’t even be responsible myself? I mean I couldn’t even afford a pregnancy test and yet all of a sudden I was a mom. I was responsible for another human being. I was only 20 years old and my whole life had turned upside down.
My boyfriend (now husband) was living in Rhode Island and so naturally I called him about 40 times until I woke him up at 2AM frantic about the fate of our future. I went to class on Monday and drove home that night to talk to him about it in person and what our plan of action would be.
Needless to say, I moved home and started my new life completely terrified and unprepared and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Hailie was by far been my biggest blessing in disguise.
Today, Hailie is six years old. She has taught me about unconditional love, she has taught me so much about life, she has pushed buttons I didn’t even know I had, and tested my patience more than anyone or anything in my life. She has taught me how to unconditionally love another person, as she continues to bond with her sister on a daily basis and even though she might not always be so nice, it’s a bond that I love to watch keep growing. She has taught me that no matter how bad your day can be, the next day can be completely different. She taught me that life has so much beauty to see and if you stop and look around, you will experience things that you didn’t know were possible. She taught me that the littlest things in life can be the most exciting. She taught me how important my friends are not only in my life, but in hers as well. She taught me to cherish every moment even if that means watching the same movie over and over again all weekend long just so we can be together as we do it. She taught me that emotions are OK as she cries about almost anything. She taught me that it’s important to stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are. But most importantly, she taught me that I had no reason to be terrified and even if I make mistakes, she still will love me and always look up to me.
I know she might only be six years old, but she is one of the smartest six-year olds I have ever met. She is hilarious in her own quirky way and though she can’t hold a note to save her life, she sings just about everything because “who doesn’t love to make up songs.” She is extremely dramatic but is also extremely sweet with the best heart. She has sass and an eye roll that could kill and though she can make me extremely insane, she’s my insane kid and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Though I could use a little less six going on sixteen attitude, her overbearing laugh puts a smile on your face and her tricks on her father make her the unique little girl she has grown into. Who knew this little girl could teach me so much and make me smile until my teeth hurt. I am so proud of who she is growing up to be and who I am growing up to be in the process.
Though I didn’t imagine having a kid at 20 years old and not finishing college until years and years later or not being in a place financially where I felt comfortable, I can’t thank those two pink lines enough for giving me the life I have today, for making me the person I am today, and for helping me start the beautiful family I have made. I am truly grateful for my Hailie, for my roommates, my family, and my friends, who stuck by my side as I faced something bigger than I ever imagined, and for realizing how truly proud of myself.
It hasn’t been an easy road, but it has been completely worth it and those two pink lines ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. I have grown into someone I am so proud to be and nothing compares to that. I won’t say it was easy or that it wasn’t a struggle because it definitely was, and some days were harder than I could’ve ever imagined but every second was worth it. Don’t ever give up on your dreams or doubt yourself. Every surprise in life can be turned into a good one.
We had watched Charlie & the Chocolate Factory 4 times at this point!